DeScribe

Where do you work?
Love it?
Hate it?
Death to consumerism and all the petty guzzlers of its products?
Share your thrilling work stories and hilarious customer foolishness. (If you're going to say something really mean, maybe don't actually name the company, just say "a bottle shop" or whatever...)

My GM gave me such a backhanded compliment. I'm relatively new at the place, and today she was all, "You're doing much better."
Gosh.

I don't work, right now. Yes, it's freaking sensational. Yes, I will have to find a job soon. What do I do with all that spare time? Not as much study as I should...write...read...not as much exercise as I should...form social clubs at university to fulfil my need to 'control' something.

Last job: driving medium rigid trucks.

Best aspect: making truck noises. And having everyone except the insane give way on the road to you.

Worst customer: wasn't actually a customer. I parked outside this shop in Altona at 7.30 on a Saturday morning to do some paperwork and check my load. The shop was an hour from opening. Halfway through, this crazy lady comes flying out the front and starts shouting at me about 'taking car parks away from her customers.'

'Sorry' I said, looking up and down the deserted street. 'I thought these were public car parks, being on a public road and all.'

Crazy lady points to a six inch square sign in a shop window plastered with signs. 'This says you can't park here.'

I peer at the tiny sign. 'Fine. I'll move as soon as I've secured my load.'

She wouldn't let go at this, and no way was I moving until my load bars were locked in, or I'd be spending the next twenty minutes up the road picking everything up in the back of the truck.

At this point I started acting like I was moderately slow, asking her to repeat everything to me three of four times, then scratching my head like I was Gary Kasparov playing Deep Blue while I worked everything out. She lost the plot after about three minutes of this and started full-on swearing at me, at which point I snapped, 'Just get out of my face, lady.'

'I'll call your company. Ha. Ha. I'll get you fired.'

'Call the effing company, then.'

So she does and I get a call from my depot manager about ten minutes later. 'What's going on?' I tell my side of the story to Matty (basically, that I'm not here to be sworn at by strangers), who has to ring up the woman and apologise on the company's behalf.

Matty calls back later. 'Mate, that woman was a bitch! I'm trying to apologise and she wouldn't shut up for ten minutes. She should be an abalone diver. She'd never need to come up for air!' Turns out our customer care department had dealt with her and her mouth before, with a driver who hadn't been as...restrained in his counter-argument, so I came out of the whole thing smelling like roses.

So never get upset at a customer. Just act stupid until they get so frustrated they do something silly. Then you can act by the 'rules' while they look like the arseholes they are.